Today something happened to me that I can honestly say has NEVER happened. I was so overwhelmed with joy, peace, and thankfulness that I pulled over to sing, worship and CRY tears of joy and thankfulness.
You see, today, after talking to several of my friends, I was reminded of where I was this time last year. This time last year marked the beginning of one of the hardest seasons of my life. A total and complete pruning season (joy -_- ). A rehab of my life, and as they say in the real estate world, it was a total gut job. Relationships (both friendships and romantic), career, housing, you name it – God took it.
I remember hopping on my first Bibles & Basketball call searching for something, ANYTHING to latch on to and give me strength. I had to borrow hope and stand on the faith of my friends because I had lost it all for myself. I still remember how fragile I was. I would go to the gym to try and establish a routine and get in some self-care. The receptionist would scan my phone to check me in and ask, “How are you today?”. Obviously, she’s expecting the usual “good and you?” …uh NO. I was so fragile this question would send me into a wave of tears immediately and I would spend my entire workout wiping the tears with my sweat towel pretending it was just sweat.
It’s safe to say this was an all-time low and pivotal point in my life.
Fast forward to today, there are still areas on my life in which I feel like I am stuck in the same position, but I was talking to a friend who shed light on how much I have been able to grow spiritually.
Sometimes we get so wrapped up in the day-to-day shuffle that we don’t look at the big picture of what God has really done for us.
My first friend said, “the Mel last year did not have the strength or self-love to tell people that were disrupting her peace or not meeting the standard of how she wanted to be treated to kick rocks”. Another friend said, “you just seem so genuinely happy and at peace”. And another friend (the same day without me bringing it up, mind you) said, “you can just see the happiness on you and it seems like a weight has been lifted off your shoulders”. You guys, I CRIED. Like, ugly cried. I went home and read some of my journals and prayers from the last year. I ugly cried even more with gratefulness and awe in how far God and I have come together. I had totally missed the big picture of where God has brought me and everything He had done within me this past year.
Obviously, this is still a work in progress and we ALWAYS will be. But we cannot forget to look at everything God does for us and blesses us.
As I was ugly crying and singing in the car, I had “How Deep is Your Love”, by Hillsong Young & Free on repeat. The lyrics are:
The deepest of seas and furthest horizons
Can’t even begin to speak of Your kindness
While I ran so far in rebellion
Still, You gave Your life without question
Before I even said I’m sorry
You made a way for me
How deep is the love
How high is the One who
Forgives and forgets all our sin
How great is Your grace
I’ll never forget all You’ve done
Oh how deep is Your love
The darkest of days slip right out of focus
No valley out dives Your depths of devotion
You lay me down in green pastures
So I’ll rest beside Your still waters
I’ve never known a grace so thoughtful
You always make a way
I took the liberty of bolding and underlining some of my favorite parts and encourage you to reflect on them and really to reflect on the whole song. I don’t know about you but right now, I’m a forgive, but don’t forget person (hey, I’m being honest and I’m trying to work on it – one thing at a time). His love runs so deep for us. He gave His life without question before we could even apologize for our sins and wrongs. This is just so amazing. We are so undeserving, but He did it anyway.
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